Feech (feech) wrote,
Feech
feech

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Nostalgia and Mastery

I'm still working on Firefly fanfiction. I've been working on it in notes right along (kind of-- I hit a snag for awhile), but I've been sitting on a nearly-finished part for several months. I have the stuff that needs to go at the end of the part, and haven't finished it.

I think it's funny that LJ's spellcheck chokes on "fanfiction" as one word.

I'm so nostalgic. I don't know what's up with that this time. It's not the same as going out to 'lanic City. It's very centered. It's pining, but more for things to come this way than for me to waste away or go back.

I am a grasshopper who has a lot to learn. Today is the first day of my new job-- that is, the job I assigned for myself once I recently realized it's costing me too much to work. What I found out last night in yet another skimming of a journal about housekeeping is that it's pointless to look at that stuff anymore. I already know how to do what I'm doing. If it is possible to do this job, I am the one who can do it.

Staying home and farm/house keeping sounds easy, in a sense, and budgeting to be cheaper to keep sounds easy, too, but I've already discovered this morning what some of my issues have always been with this.

For one, I'm a bad breakfast eater. I always have been. It's always seemed pointless to me since I starve by ten-thirty no matter what I eat earlier, and I hate eating breakfast because I'm not a morning person and my whole body rebels at eating at that time. Still, for good and well-known health and grocery budget reasons, my rule is I'd better have eaten breakfast by 10:30. I was a half-hour behind, this morning, but I didn't fall into the trap of previous days at home (before I made this my job) where I'd run out and mow the lawn and be sick as a dog before eating anything and useless the rest of the day. I found out something: I got terribly nervous while making breakfast, and finally correctly pegged it as fear of having to eat the stuff and failing. Told myself I only had to make it, not eat it, and that worked. I ate most of the stuff anyway.

artie has planned out a program with me whereby I provide her with lunches and she pays for them but it still saves her money. I love packing lunches for other people. That went well the first time out. Hopefully she'll enjoy it and it'll work for her in the long-term.

I'm on at work (here at the house) today, having arbitrarily assigned my on and off days ahead of time. I'm in the clear to be on LiveJournal, because I have to do a series of tasks by the end of the day; that is, they aren't all mapped out (except preparing tonight's supper and planning and partially preparing tomorrow's and doing pet care), but I have to pick out something to do in every area of the property. Since I've declared I have to finish in the evening if I didn't during the day, on any day in which outdoor work is possible, I should logically do that first. We never did get the snowstorm we were supposed to get. So I can start whenever I like, and stop, as long as I get it done at some pace or another.

Something from conversation on irc last night ended up with my doing push-ups this morning. Sort of. I did "five"-- but I arched my back weakly a little (or maybe a lot if I were observing as an outsider) and I think I pulled something in my right arm. Then I did one good one and a half of another good one. *eyeroll*

I think I found all my files on my disks and hard drive that have conversations about and between Beckey / me and Ace / his reincarnation. Nowhere do I find Ace's description of his experience with the night he passed away in a car accident. I remember him talking about having put his wallet and multiple ID's in a locker, then leaving his coat and the locker key elsewhere when he ha-- well, I won't go into the details. It has to do with what happened to everybody else that night. But maybe we talked about it on the phone. Anyway, he ended up in a lady's coat and in a car which crashed on the way home.

I feel like something different is going on. A lot of starting... over. I don't want to start over with these freaks. *ribs them*

I have a lot of work to do on my other exciting project of Marvel soundtracks! I found out why people balk even when they come and ask you to do them. (Tony started it.) They began doing one for me. It's like having a nerve plucked. It makes you feel really weird. Like the Visible Man. I think that's why Tony S.'s is going to be twenty songs long. He's hiding in there rather than extraordinarily exposed. But it gives you a picture of the guy. And he wants those songs in there for reasons I'm slowly finding out. For instance, it took me months to be unblockheaded enough to realize that "Treat Her Like a Lady" by the Temptations refers to a machine. But Steve and Bucky's is short and intensely communicative. They have the same soundtrack but whose song is whose is blindingly obvious. (Saying that now means that later I'll totally see how all the songs switch from one to the other, such as when Bucky finally does get cut down a bit as Jeff says he needs.) But -- hard to explain. I have to do a lot of work and I'm looking forward to it.

Edited to add: Well, I already changed my mind about one thing. I'm more relaxed and productive in general if every day is an "on" day (though I'm glad I took the day off over the weekend after leaving the outside job).
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